There’s something devastating about realizing that the person who eventually hurt you might have been horrified by their own behavior if you had described it to the version of them you first met. Imagine sitting across from them on one of those early dates when everything was still new and saying, “One day somebody is going to do this to me. They’re going to say this, break this promise, make me feel this way, apologize, and then do it again.” They might’ve immediately told you that person didn’t deserve you. They might’ve asked why you stayed. They might’ve promised they would never treat somebody they loved that way. And neither of you would’ve known you were talking about them. That’s what makes certain endings so difficult to process. You’re not only grieving what happened; sometimes you’re grieving the person you genuinely believed they were in the beginning. And that doesn’t necessarily mean the beginning was fake. People can mean what they say at the time and still later fail to live according to it. People can love someone and still behave selfishly. They can become complacent, avoid accountability, repeat destructive patterns, or slowly normalize behavior that would’ve once embarrassed them. That’s why “they weren’t always like this” can be completely true without making what happened later acceptable. Sometimes that’s actually what keeps people holding on for so long. You’re not imagining the good person you knew. You remember them. You remember how safe everything once felt, how seriously they took your feelings, how carefully they handled your heart. So every time they hurt you, part of you keeps waiting for that earlier version to come back. But eventually a relationship has to be evaluated by what consistently exists now, not only by what existed at the beginning. And maybe one of the saddest realizations is understanding that if the person you first fell for could somehow watch everything that happened afterward, they might not defend it either. They might look at the person who hurt you with the same disbelief everybody else does. Because sometimes people don’t become strangers only after a breakup. Sometimes, somewhere along the relationship, they became a stranger to the person they once promised you they would be. — TikTok de @deeploneliness_